As some of you know, two months ago, I left my hometown of Wilmington, Delaware. I left my friends, my parents, my job, my house, the only world that I have known (except for three fun-filled years in my twenties when I lived in Atlanta, Georgia) to re-locate to Boston, Massachusetts. The reasons for my move were many – but mostly, I moved for my children and their wonderful father, and for myself, and the hope that a giant change in geography would translate to a giant shift in my head. And so far, my plan is working!
So, in the off-chance that at 38 years of age, you find yourself the mother of two dead children and two precious, silly alive ones, and you are exhausted from driving along the roads that you took while all the sadness in your life unfolded before your very eyes, just in case you’d love to never lay eyes again on the Children’s Hospital where you had to let go of your babies and numbly sign, not one, but two waivers to the Medical Examiner, and just in case you want to move to the fabulous, ALIVE, BUSTLING city of Boston, Massachusetts, I am going to write my brave chicks a list of Do’s and Don’ts. So, here we go:
Do:
- Give away, throw away and donate anything you haven’t used in the past year. This includes the silver and purple candles and matching stiletto heels that you just HAD to have at Marshall’s but just never looked quite right on your coffee table and/or feet. Let your friends come over and help you with this task in the event that you have hoarding issues (not that I would know anything about this).
- Figure out your own way of saying goodbye. If you don’t want a big, teary going-away party, insist that you don’t want one. It’s so much easier (and perhaps, cowardly) to just kind of fade out of town…easier on your heart and those you’ve left behind. The good news is, you can also sneak in a few private goodbyes here and there and when you cry and sob, your audience is far smaller.
- Be REALLY nice to the people who pack up your house. Especially if you were in no way ready when they showed up at your house at 7 a.m. on the day of your move. Their job is incredibly hard, and their patience was a true gift!
- Get a Navigation system installed in your car. Boston was not built on a grid and there is no rhyme or reason to its inroads, outroads, back roads, and thruways. It is a mystery how anyone gets anywhere in this town.
- Reach out to anyone you know who can send your resume to anyone they know. You never know when your skill sets will be an exact match for what someone else is looking for – so if someone tells you to send them your resume, do it! Then, when it works out, drop to your knees in gratitude and try to keep your mouth shut about the nasty commute (working on this one).
- Get ready for water, water, everywhere. The Charles River winks at me on my entire way to work. It’s a miracle I don’t pull over and jump onto the sandy beaches and rippling water. True, the water would be very, very cold, but I am a true sucker for any body of water, everywhere.
- Expect wonderful public school systems – hooray!
- Get unlimited texting and calling on your phone, ‘cause man-oh-man, are you gonna need it to stay in touch with everyone back home!!!
Don’t:
- Think for one minute that a Delaware Driver’s License means boo-diddly in the city of Boston. When people drive in this town, they mean it. If you have a Delaware license plate, you might as well have a gigantic Yankees’ flag flying off your back fender. Everyone on the road hates you. And I mean EVERYONE.
- Feel like you have to jump right into volunteering and socializing at your children’s school. Turns out, if you just want to duck under the radar for a bit, and not really have to explain who you are or how you got here for a while, your kids can just get a great education and no one looks at you sideways. This was so different from how I have always been, and it is kind of a relief at the moment…truth be told.
- Feel like you have to tell the story of your pain to anyone. Anonymity can be a refreshing gift – this, I know from firsthand experience.
This list is in no way finished. In fact, I’ve barely even begun. But man, I’ve had fun compiling it! I miss the incredible, loving people I used to see in my everyday life in Delaware and I talk to them any chance I can get and always will. But, the good news is, I’ve found that Fresh Starts work - Not every moment of every day. It’s not all sunshine and roses, and no matter where I go, I will always be a woman who had to bury two of her children. I will sometimes be a woman who wishes she could turn back time and make a whole host of different choices. But I will also be the sum total of all of my life experiences. Isn’t that who each one of us is, Brave Chicks? The end product of every heartbreak, every accomplishment, every challenge, every soul of every person whom we’ve ever loved? I’ll take that end product every day of the week.
November is a month to give thanks. How about we give thanks to every little and big journey we’ve ever been through in our lives, this month, Brave Chicks? I’m in if you’re in!
Gobble It Up,
Katie and the Brave Chicks
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